Does love fade in marriage? (7 reasons)

This blog post aims to answer the question, “Does love fade in marriage?” and explores the concept of love, marriage, their complexity and the several reasons why love might fade to help understand the answer. 

Does love fade in marriage?

Yes, love can fade in marriage. Love may fade in marriage because of the following 7 reasons –

  • Loss of passion.
  • Loss of physical attraction.
  • Merged identity.
  • Not taking care of yourself physically or mentally.
  • Not sharing activities.
  • Relating less personally.
  • Harbouring anger.

What are these 7 reasons why love fades in marriage?

Loss of passion. 

Countless couples lament the loss of their relationship’s “spark.” Some attribute it to maturing differences, a gradual drifting apart, or simply familiarity. 

Many couples have lost faith and even looked elsewhere for the pleasure of fresh closeness, due to the wave of “death” that may overwhelm a relationship after the first wonderful months or years. 

With studies predicting that 30-60% of married couples in the United States would have an affair at some point throughout their marriage, it’s important to dig further into what causes our feelings to fade.

Understanding the notion of the “fantasy connection” is important in identifying the wedge that is pulling couples apart. The “dream bond” is a style of communicating that acts as a substitute for a really loving connection, according to psychologist and author Robert Firestone’s complete psychological theory. 

This illusion of intimacy and connection helps a couple to sustain love and loving imagination while maintaining emotional distance.

A fantasy relationship is defined by a combination of physical proximity and emotional remoteness. When genuine sentiments of love, respect, and desire are replaced with fantasies of security, connectivity, and protection, a bond is established. 

Though they may appear to be beneficial characteristics of a close connection, prioritising form over content is a major detriment to any close relationship.

Routine is valued over spontaneity, and safety is valued over desire by those who engage in a fantasy connection. They go through the motions of being together or connected, but their relationship lacks the vitality, independence, and affection that it formerly possessed. 

When we merge our identity with that of another person, we run the danger of losing the respect and attractiveness we formerly had for that individual. We also risk losing ourselves in the relationship, rather than retaining the characteristics that gave us confidence and attracted our partners in the first place.

Instead of questioning damaging habits in their connection, couples who lose their true affections for each other prefer to either abandon the relationship or sink further into fantasy for fear of losing each other or being alone. The good news is that these exhilarating experiences may be rekindled.

There is a continuum of fantasy bonds. Some couples are more fantasy-oriented than others. The majority of individuals alternate between being genuinely close and substituting illusion for true love. 

You can challenge negative habits and patterns and experience new and exciting stages of your relationship by recognising the extent to which you engage in a fantasy connection as opposed to a sincere form of relating by recognising the degree to which you engage in a fantasy connection as opposed to a sincere form of relating.

Loss of physical attraction.

We tend to lose some of our physical attraction to another person when we construct a fantasy of fusion with them. Relying on someone to look after us or to complete us places a significant strain on our connection. 

We begin to regard the other person as an extension of ourselves, and we lose part of the “chemistry” that first drew us to them. We may sustain a new level of enthusiasm and passion for our partners if we see them as the independent and attractive persons that they are.

Merged identity.

Can you see how you and your spouse cross one other’s boundaries when you look at your relationship? Do you refer to yourself as “we” rather than “him or her” or “I”? The greatest approach to being ourselves in our relationships is to maintain our separateness and pursue what particularly fires us up. 

Rather than driving us away, our separation helps us to recognise our common interests and choose to remain together. Consider how individuals feel when they fall in love for the first time. They are attracted to one another because of their distinct characteristics. 

Their uniqueness is seen with curiosity and respect, traits we should strive to keep even decades after we’ve been romantically involved with someone.

Not taking care of yourself physically or mentally.

We may begin to care less about how we appear and how we take care of ourselves after we achieve a certain degree of comfort in a relationship. We may be more inclined to act out without concern for the ways in which we harm not just our relationships, but also ourselves. 

We may gain weight or develop harmful behaviours such as consuming too much alcohol or exercising too little. These behaviours aren’t only for the sake of convenience. They are frequently used to defend ourselves from prolonged proximity. 

They frequently work to undermine our self-esteem and alienate our spouses. They also have a suffocating influence on our connection, eroding our self-assurance and vigour.

Not sharing activities.

We are frequently most open early in our relationships, eager to try new things and share new adventures. We often oppose unfamiliar experiences as we become accustomed to them. We grow jaded, distrustful, and less ready to do activities with our relationships as time goes on. 

It is critical to consider our partner’s passions and interests and to participate in activities that we both like. Love isn’t something that exists in a vacuum. 

Maintaining closeness necessitates slowing down and taking time to connect. Doing actions that your spouse views as loving on a regular basis can also help keep the flame alive.

Relating less personally.

Do you still talk about anything substantial with your spouse when you do take the time to connect with them? Have interactions grown more pragmatic or less amicable as a result of this? It’s critical to be honest and truthful with those we care about. 

We get to know them a lot better this way. We care for them as individuals, separate from ourselves. This allows us to keep in touch on a more personal basis rather than just out of obligation. 

It aids in the formation and strengthening of friendships, allowing us to be less critical while giving and receiving criticism. All of these efforts feed our romantic sentiments, overcoming scepticism and bolstering our appeal.

Harbouring anger.

When we spend a long period with someone, we tend to catalogue their bad characteristics and develop a case against them, which makes us sceptical. If you’re angry or resentful, try to notice it.

Avoid suffocating your sentiments of compassion and love by dealing with difficulties immediately from a mature and open perspective. Honest communication is difficult, but it allows you to get to know your spouse rather than seeing him or her through a critical or negative lens. 

We are skating on thin ice when we swallow our sentiments and turn against our spouse rather than expressing our true feelings.

Even when we begin to feel close, we are prone to being critical the moment our spouse does anything that irritates us. We are better able to let go of things that bother or offend us when we feel free to express them directly. 

The more we improve our capacity to do so, the closer we feel to our relationships emotionally. The benefit of expressing your ideas is that you can no longer see your relationship through a cynical lens. 

When we examine how much each of us follows the aforementioned patterns, we might begin to question them. When we fail to do so, our emotional tie with a person might deteriorate, leaving us with only the form of a fantasy attachment. 

It may be as simple as performing tiny, loving gestures that make our partners feel noticed and valued for who they are to rekindle our relationships. Taking small efforts each day to break our regular behaviours takes us down a route that is far more gratifying, bolder, and true.

Conclusion – 

This blog post attempted to answer the question, “Does love fade in marriage?” and reviewed the concept of love, marriage, their complexity and the several reasons why love might fade to help determine if love fades in marriage. Please feel free to reach out to us with any questions or comments you may have.

References –

Emery, L. R. Why Does Love Fade Over Time? We Asked Experts & Here’s What They Said. (2018, August 14). Retrieved from  https://www.bustle.com/p/why-does-love-fade-over-time-we-asked-experts-heres-what-they-said-10024806#:~:text=Passionate%20Love%20Fades%2C%20But%20Companionate%20Love%20Endures&text=fades%2C%22%20Dr.-,Lieberman%20says.,’t%20have%20to%20be.%22

Why do couples lose interest in each other after marriage? Quora. (n.d.). Retrieved from 

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-couples-lose-interest-in-each-other-after-marriage

When Love Fades Away: Renewing The Romantic Attraction In Relationships. ReGain Editorial Team. (2022, March 31). Retrieved from 

https://www.regain.us/advice/attraction/when-love-fades-away-renewing-the-romantic-attraction-in-relationships/

Malveaux, C. S. Here’s Why Love Seems To Fade Over Time. (2015, January 4). Retrieved from https://www.businessinsider.com/heres-why-love-seems-to-fade-over-time-2015-1

Why Does Love Fade Over Time? Medium. (2020, September 30). Retrieved from 

https://medium.com/@manaimmujeeb2/why-does-love-fade-over-time-bcdcac8aee4f

Moore, F. Real Love Doesn’t Fade After Years Of Marriage, It Deepens. (2019, April 12). Retrieved from 

https://www.eviemagazine.com/post/real-love-doesnt-fade-after-years-of-marriage-it-deepens

Pawlowski, A. How long does passion last? Science says. (2019, February 14). Retrieved from 

https://www.today.com/health/how-long-does-passion-last-four-stages-love-t108471

Firestone. L. Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship. (n.d.). Retrieved from 

Q&A: Fading romance in marriage. Focus on the Family. (2006). Retrieved from 

https://www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/q-a-fading-romance-in-marriage

Paul, M. What Makes Love Fade In Long-Term Relationships? A Psychologist Explains. (2020, August 18). Retrieved from 

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-makes-love-fade-in-long-term-relationships

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