Getting Forgiveness from an INFP

Messed up, did you? If you’re here, you must be looking for an answer to the question, “how do I get an INFP to forgive me?” And let me just begin by saying, you’ve come to the right place. 

So, how does one get an INFP’s forgiveness? Well, by apologizing. Duh. 

Don’t be so quick to opt out, of course I’m here to help you figure out just what to do and how, in order to ensure that the INFP in your life, you know, the one you genuinely care about (hopefully), let’s go of the resentment towards you and forgives you. 

And in case you can’t figure out why your INFP friend is mad at you or has stepped away from you, or if you absolutely know what you did and would like to ensure you never disappoint them again, I am first going to share with you reasons why INFPs get hurt/angry and how are they are likely to act when hurt. 

What angers or hurts an INFP?

When someone abuses their kindness. 

That’s right. It is true that INFPs are highly empathetic and compassionate people. They are intuitive and are interested in getting to know as much about the people around them as possible. These traits help them see why people are the way they are, and they understand that we all go through difficult times in our lives. Which is why INFPs are extremely humble and kind people. 

However, they are not saints, and they absolutely do not respond well to being taken advantage of. If an INFP senses that they are being lied to, or that someone is taking their kindness for granted, it really triggers them and they step away from the people causing them distress with their actions.

Breaking promises constantly. 

INFPs are understanding people. Usually. They always believe in keeping the promises they make to other people, and despite what others are like, they expect the same in return. So, when they realize that that a promise made to them is broken, they take that as disrespect. Because, to them, a broken promise in an indicator that the person doesn’t respect them or care about them enough to stay true to their word. 

Despite being hurt, since the INFPs often avoid conflict at any cost, they give chances. However, if this happens again, it becomes a pattern, and INFPs do not stand for it. They will most likely never even let you know how much you’ve damaged them, and would simply opt out of the relationship, distance themselves ‘til the point they simply walk away. And to be honest, if you or anyone else, fails to notice when a loved one becomes distant, it is for the best that the relationship ends. Just saying. 

Breaching their privacy. 

INFPs are literal introverts. I mean, it is in the abbreviation! It’s like they’re an immensely deep cave with numerous secrets and hidden truths that they don’t necessarily want to keep inside, just that there aren’t a lot of people they wish to let in to their personal, individual space. So, if you are someone they’ve let into the metaphorical cave that they are, and you end up violating their trust by sharing their truth, their life with other people, or if you have breached their privacy in hopes to find out more than they’re willing to share; know that you’ve done one of the worst things anyone could do to an INFP. 

Public humiliation. 

Now, as introverts, INFPs are closed off to most people. They don’t like being present at a lot of social gatherings, and even when they do end up at one, they definitely avoid becoming the centre of attention. They’re happy in their tiny bubble of bliss with a close friend or partner, and when one isn’t by their side, their phone, or a book, or even a nice little snack. 

So, when someone like that is forced into the spotlight, that, too, to be humiliated in front of a number of people they may or may not know… I mean, do I really need to explain this one?

Betraying their trust. 

INFPs are very picky when it comes to choosing their inner circle; often a small group of people they surround themselves with. Since INFPs are not big on getting close to a lot of people, when they do get close to someone, they do so because their intuition guides them to. And the INFPs trust their intuition. Which means that they trust the person. 

And when their trust is betrayed, the INFPs not only feel hurt, but they also begin to question their own intuition. This crisis of “how did I not see this coming?” keeps them up at night, and it isn’t easy for them to trust their intuition again. 

There can be many other reasons why an INFP may feel hurt or angry, but these are some of the biggest ones. 

Moving on, let us quickly take a look at how an INFP may react when they are hurt by someone they love. 

Quietly stepping away. 

As I’ve already mentioned, since the INFPs despise conflict and confrontation, if you hurt them enough, you will see them distancing themselves from you, and stepping out of your life without asking for so much as an explanation. 

Ghosting.

That’s right. When an INFP is hurt, along with the quietly stepping away, follows the act of blocking the person who hurt them, out of their life completely. It is easier for an INFP to ignore people who’ve caused them damage, because, 

  1. They get to avoid confrontation
  2. They get the time they need away from all the noise to reenergize and get in touch with their feelings
  3. It just really helps them to learn the intentions of the person who hurt them – if they don’t try to reach out, an INFP sees that as a pretty clear sign to stay gone

Resorting to violence. 

While this sort of behaviour doesn’t come easily to an INFP, it is important to know that they can turn to both verbal and physical violence when enraged. And believe me when I say this, you really don’t want to see them resort to that. Because even their verbal violence can cut deep. Remember, they’re highly intuitive and do see it as their responsibility to learn everything there is about the people they’re close to, in order to help make their lives better. Do you really want them to turn on you like that?

And finally, how to get an INFP to forgive you:

Apologize.

That’s right. If there’s something an INFP hates more than having their trust broken, it’s when people hold on to their reasons for hurting them. If you really wish to continue to have your INFP friend or partner in your life, its best you swallow your pride and say that you’re sorry.

Really apologize.

You heard me. When you do decide to apologize to an INFP, make sure you’re actually sorry for whatever it is that you did. INFPs can see through fake words. And it really doesn’t benefit anyone at the end of the day if you don’t mean what you’re saying. 

And while we’re talking about meaning things; INFPs do not fall for big gestures or gifts as apologies. They find such acts to be shallow and meaningless. But if you know your INFP, you’d know that already.

Give them time and space to heal, but also don’t disappear.

This one may be tricky. It is never good to bombard an INFP with endless apologies. Don’t blow up their phone. INFPs take their time to manage their feelings. Let them. But also, do not just leave them be. Drop in a text every now and again. Nothing too intrusive, just casually asking them how they are. Again, it may seem difficult but it goes a long way to make an effort. It is very important that you show your friend that you’re patient enough to wait for them to make their decision and work things out. Again, let them feel their feelings in their own way. 

Don’t make excuses, but communicate your POV.

An apology should never be followed by an excuse for your behaviour. Excuses are not a good sign for seeking redemption.

That being said, INFPs are pretty empathetic and compassionate, and they’re always willing to hear other people’s sides of the story. So if you do have a genuine reason for doing what you did, do share it with them.

Conclusion. 

Honestly, INFPs are pretty forgiving people. They don’t want anything to disrupt their inner peace and prefer to keep their environment positive. And when they’re mad at someone, they are as far from being at peace as can be. 

Honestly, being an INFP myself, even when it comes to people who have damaged my personality beyond repair; the bullies and the abusers, I simply wish for them to come forward and apologize. Just so we can just bury the hatchet and I can move on. To this day, I have disturbing dreams about people I have unresolved conflicts with, and the following day, guilt follows me wherever I go. And these are people who have wronged me. You see where I’m going with this? 

However, it is also important to know that while an INFP may forgive easily, forgetting what you did is an entirely different thing. The damage that has been done to the relationship is going to remain for some time. Your INFP friend is now going to be cautious of trusting you. And it absolutely doesn’t mean that they hold a grudge, it just goes to show how difficult it is for them to let people in in the first place. 

Don’t worry, though, just be patient with them, and be the best friend or partner you can be, and let them know that you are never going to repeat the same mistakes. Things have a way of working themselves out eventually.

Bibliography.

Mathias, M., n.d. INFP Forgiveness: How to Regain INFP Trust? – Mathias Corner. [Online] Mathias Corner. Available at: <https://www.mathiasway.com/infp-regain-trust/> [Accessed 4 November 2021].

Mathias, M., n.d. The INFP Mind: 6 Best INFP Traits and Hidden Behaviors – Mathias Corner. [Online] Mathias Corner. Available at: <https://www.mathiasway.com/infp-traits/> [Accessed 4 November 2021].

Stafford, S., 2017. How Good Each Personality Type is With Forgiveness – Personality Growth. [Online] Personality Growth. Available at: <https://personalitygrowth.com/how-good-each-personality-type-is-with-forgiveness/> [Accessed 4 November 2021].

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