How do you make an INFP fall in love with you?

It is true what they say about INFPs. They can be somewhat of a mystery. Picture a dark and brooding person, who is also, somehow, beloved by every single person they’ve met? One day, you’d find them sitting in a corner all by themselves in a room filled with people, eating chicken wings. But upon asking other people if they find them to be a little strange, you find out that they are one of the warmest people to be around. Weird, right?

That is an encounter that most people have had upon first meeting an INFP. You may have had a similar experience in the beginning. Their calm and quiet demeanour might have piqued your interest and before even realizing it, you were hooked. You wanted to know more, learn what they’re all about, why you rarely see them conversing with people, and why everybody still loves to hang out with them.

You worked your way into their life, and now you’re in love. It isn’t surprising, though. Because let me tell you something about INFPs. They may not be the life-of-the-party type people, but they are real charmers. They attract you with their genuineness, their compassion, the fact that they stand by their values, are extremely easy-going, but absolutely not pushovers, and the fact that when you talk to them, you want to tell them everything about yourself and your life. 

Now, I understand that you may have some questions. The fact that you’re here shows your intentions and also indicates that you may be just a little frustrated. So, I’m not going to waste your time any longer. Let’s talk about how to make an INFP fall in love with you.

Work on building a real connection with them. 

You may or may not have done your research on them, but INFPs are highly emotional beings. They base their opinions about individuals on the conversations they have with them, the connections they make, and on the kind of relationships that they build with them over time. If you want an INFP to be able to see you as someone important to them (because making someone fall in love with you is a gradual process), then work on developing a real, deep connection with them. Take time out of your day to meet them or call/text them, build a relationship with them as friends and get them to trust you. The quickest way into an INFP’s heart is through trust. But like I said, such things do not happen overnight. 

Be patient with them. 

I repeat. An INFP is not going to develop a deep relationship with you or begin to trust you in the blink of an eye. It’s not humanly possible. Especially for an INFP. Due to their Extroverted Intuition, these people see the world through a critical lens. They come up with multiple scenarios and have the ability to imagine countless outcomes of a single issue. This, along with the fact that despite their general optimism, INFPs can be a little cynical when it comes to being faced with the realities of the world, are the reasons why it takes them a very long time to develop trust over people. 

I know you might have heard that INFPs always see the best in both people and situations, and it is true. But you need to know this, INFPs are not gullible. They are in touch with the reality of things. A little more than they’d like to be, actually. This is where the cynicism comes from. It is definitely based on a realistic perception of how people can be. 

Get them to trust the real you.

If you are willing to work on your connection with them, gaining their trust is going to be your number one responsibility. However, it is necessary that you understand, that you can and must absolutely not say anything to get them to trust you. Be your authentic self. Share with them the things you actually like and believe in. Share your real world view. Talk to them about your actual dreams and goals. Open up to them like you’ve never done with a person before. 

Be genuine. Unfiltered. Raw. Even if you are not “their type”, they are bound to be appreciative of the fact that you have always been truthful and real with them.

Do not force your presence on to them. 

I know I advised you to meet them every day, text or call them whenever, and be around them. That being said, it is essential that you know that INFPs take their time figuring out their feelings. They are introverted with their feelings, which means that it takes them a while to internally sort out their emotions before they can communicate them outwardly. Plus, them being introverts means that they need plenty of space from people to unwind and recharge their social and emotional batteries. Maybe you’re also an introvert and you can relate, or maybe you’re an extrovert who is going to have a hard time grasping that concept. Either way, it is very important that you don’t force your presence on an INFP. 

Be there for them during their moments of weakness. 

There are going to be plenty. Reverting back to that cynicism that I mentioned earlier, INFPs, being the healers that they are, can often have a hard time dealing with how unjust and cold this world can be and how, no matter how hard they try, their efforts may never be enough to fix the world. Whether you understand that or not, know that this is of immense importance to any INFP. Be respectful. 

They are prone to melancholy feelings, and due to their highly self-critical side, they often end up suffering a lot. 

In such moments, INFPs need to be surrounded by people who will allow them to deal with their own feelings, while also being present for them to be their support. You know, they’re going to need to talk to someone they can trust once they’re ready.

However, this step comes way down the line. Like I said, they will need someone they can trust. And what does trust need in order to develop? Time! Now you’re getting it. If the INFP have someone else in their life they can and do trust, like a mother, a sister, or a friend, let them be there for them, and offer your help only when you know you’re their go-to person. It is important to know your place. 

Be an active listener. 

If you happen to be their go-to person, then this point is very important. Being there for an INFP when they’re ready to talk means that you are required to listen to them. Not just hear the words, but actually, actively listen. They do not need an advisor, they don’t need someone to fix their problems for them, and they just need you there for their catharsis. Which means that they talk and you let them. 

You can make them feel understood. You can hold their hand – or both hands, if the moment requires it – and urge them to go on if they struggle with words, give them a napkin when they cry (and they will!), and just be a positive presence for them to be comforted by.

Show them the real you, so they can show you their real self.

So, you know by now that INFPs do not open up easily. The reason why it is so important for you to let them into your life and be authentically you with them is because that is the best way to get them to open up to people. It lets them know they can trust you when you’re vulnerable with them and have your guard down. 

Be respectful of their beliefs. 

You don’t have to share the same beliefs. INFPs are mature enough to respect different opinions. But INFPs are highly tied to their values – their values are what define them – and they do not appreciated when something that they feel deeply about is taken lightly or is made fun of. Referring to the point about not being able to fix the world on their own, an INFP wouldn’t expect you to understand. But they would never be able to let go if you tell them that something that matters to them, sounds dumb to you.

Do not try to win them over with meaningless gestures. 

INFPs don’t need you to buy them expensive gifts or act out some big, romantic gesture you once saw in a movie. They crave originality, efforts, and meaning. If you write them a letter, explaining your feelings to them, or if you leave them small post-it notes of how much they mean to you, or how amazing you think they are, they will be extremely appreciative.

Be consistent with them.

If you are going to pursue an INFP, you need to be consistent. Don’t go flaking on them, or ghosting them when you’re not in the mood to talk. Absolutely do not show interest in other people – and this goes without saying – especially one of their friends. 

Being in love with an INFP can be a tedious task at times, but they are definitely worth the time and effort. 

Lastly, I just want to say one thing: whether or not someone falls in love with you is not dependant on things you do based on what an article. Just make sure that any and all efforts that you make for any person, not just an INFP, come from the heart and are genuine. You don’t want to start a relationship based on deceit and treachery. And whether or not your INFP ends up falling for you, I am sure you’re going to develop an incredible, life-long friendship with one of the most compassionate people on Earth. 

 Good luck!