How does an INFP feel loved?

How does an INFP feel loved? It may seem like a simple enough question to answer, but it felt highly subjective for me to write this one from a single perspective. So, to help bring forth more universally (or rather, earthly) agreed upon opinions, I reached out to some INFPs I personally know, and I also turned to the wonderfully opinionated INFPs of Reddit. 

Being an INFP myself, I can vouch for everything that you’re about to read, to be absolutely accurate. So, if the person you want to be a better friend/partner to, is an INFP, they are definitely going to feel loved when you try any of the following things.

Give them constant reassurance. 

INFPs are people who are more often than not shrouded in self-doubt. It’s because of their excessively self-critical nature, that they fail to see their own potential. So, an INFP may need to be reassured that they are worthy and that their presence matters to the people around them. They often deep to be reminded of all the things about them that make them loveable, helpful, and incredible people. 

This should come as no surprise to people, but INFPs rarely ever think they are being loved for who they are. A voice inside their heads constantly reminds them that they are only being tolerated and pitied by the people who choose to be with them day after day. An INFP also often becomes self-destructive and pushes people away, because they fail to see how someone, anyone, could actually see the real person that they are, and still want to stick around. 

So, being given reasons why they are loved, being showered with genuine, heartfelt compliments – occasionally, if not constantly – help the INFPs feel loved and appreciated. They might get extremely embarrassed, but the critic inside their head who constantly keeps on lowering their self-esteem is put to sleep, at least for a while, and gives an INFP a confidence boost that they desperately need.

Keep them in contact. 

INFPs don’t expect for people to constantly chat with them. They, possibly more than anyone, understand the importance of being given space to breathe. They really don’t want to be coddled by their friends or partner, and they absolutely don’t want to cling to them too hard or to smother them with their neediness. However, they feel loved, when their people contact them during some part of their day. It can be anything, from a short phone call, to a text checking up on them, or having memes or funny videos shared with them; just to let them know they’re being thought of and missed. Is that really too much to ask?

Do random, nice things for them. 

INFPs don’t fall for words alone. They need to be shown they matter to someone with actions, too. However, they don’t expect to be given material gifts that have monetary value, but none, emotionally. The smallest of gestures can make an INFP feel loved. Give them a meaningful present, show up with their favourite flowers, take them on a spontaneous, long drive if they’re having a bad day, you know? Send them songs that make you think of them, or send them soup when they’re feeling ill. INFPs are not specific about what type of things are being done for them, they just like knowing that they’re being thought of.

Remember the things they tell you about. 

You may not always be interested in a topic your INFP may be talking about, but since they’re generally very patient with people, and are incredible listeners, INFPs do often feel like they’re being ignored or talked over. And it makes them feel like what they have to share isn’t as important. And I get it, not everybody is born to listen to other people’s problems, and not everyone has the greatest of attention spans. But a little effort with an INFP goes a long way. An INFP feels important and loved when someone remembers little things they talk about. A story that they once told, and you remembered an insignificant detail that secretly mattered to them a lot? Is there anything that makes an INFP feel more like they are special? Probably not. 

Respect their personal space while also making them feel needed. 

Hey, it is what it is. Yes, an INFP is really particular about their personal space and alone time, and yes, they want the people they love to make them feel like they’re needed. Why is it so difficult for people to maintain a balance between the two?

Initiate contact and meet ups. 

INFPs, when they love you and care for you, will always be giddy about making plans with you. However, they do not appreciate to be the only one initiating contact every single time. It brings back their insecurities about not being wanted, and makes them feel lousy about themselves, as if they’re forcing the person to remain in their life, and if they didn’t reach out, the other person never will. 

Doing things they like, even if they’re not always your speed.

INFPs give up their own personal time to be there for the people they love. It makes an INFP feel appreciated and loved when the people in their life joins in on doing things with them that they don’t particularly get or enjoy. Watching a soapy TV show with them, or going to the new Marvel films with them, going to a reading of a book your INFP loves but you’re not a book person, etc. 

Support their passions.

They’re really passionate people, you may know that already. They feel things deeply, and often stand up for what they feel in their gut is right. They come up with these grand ideas to change the world, and help eradicate sexism, racism, capitalism, and bring forth justice for all human beings on an equal level. Now, I can see how some of their ideas or things they feel passionate towards may seem unrealistic or farfetched, but when you stand by their side and support them in their passion projects, an INFP can’t help but feel loved. 

Give them long, meaningful hugs.

You might be wondering “how does one make a hug meaningful?” Well, it’s simple. Hugs have been somewhat reduced to a form of greeting that people often use. INFPs are not particularly comfortable with that. But they absolutely love being hugged. They want, from the people they’re close with, to understand the importance of a good hug. It feels like all their worries are just washing away when they’re held on to by someone they love, and it isn’t formal or done out of the norm. It makes an INFP feel loved when their loved ones hold them in tight hugs that speak louder than any amount of words. 

Know and utilize their love language. 

Speaking of hugs, a majority of INFPs has agreed that their love language is physical intimacy. And no, I do not mean sex. An INFP expresses their love by using physical touch, even when they can’t use their words. From having a crush on someone, so they continuously punch them playfully, to consoling a friend who has lost a loved one, so they hold on to their hand while they sleep with their head in their lap, INFPs use physical intimacy to show how much someone means to them.

Likewise, they appreciate when the people they love utilize their love language with an INFP in all situations. It works best if your love language is the same as the INFP’s. 

Try to be understanding of their emotions.

INFPs are often all over the place with their emotions. Because they feel inwardly, it is often difficult to comprehend the depth with which an INFP can experience their emotions, but it is important to know that they tend feel loved when someone tries to be understanding of their feelings. They tend to overthink a lot, because they are constantly riddled with self-doubt and self-esteem issues. Be mindful of this fact, rather than being offended by their random attacks on your loyalty. It is necessary to understand that their current emotional state will pass with some help from you. You can refer back to the point about reassurance to know just how to be of help.

Help them with chores. Please.

More than anything, INFPs despise doing mundane tasks that keep them occupied day in and day out. They often struggle with doing chores, and feel extremely loved when someone helps them with such tasks out of the goodness of their hearts. 

Be their home. 

INFPs often feel like they don’t belong in the world. They feel displaced and left out, and it really helps during such times, if they have people they can call home. You know, someone who can listen to them, be with them when they need them most, hold on to them when they’re feeling melancholic, and/or self-destructive, and just be their safe space to break down with, as well as build themselves back up with the help of. There is nothing that makes an INFP feel more loved than that. 

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