When an INFP flirts

Truth be told, INFPs are not particularly good at flirting. Okay, scratch that. Most INFPs don’t know that they know how to flirt, so they appear to have no clue as to how to respond when someone asks them about their moves. “Moves? What moves? I just talk to people.”

It is mostly true, actually, that INFPs are just generally polite and nice people, and other people usually confuse that with flirting. I recently read somewhere, “She’s not flirting, she’s just beautiful, and talking to you.” 

Alright, it was a meme. And I would like to alter this meme to fit our situation here. “They’re not flirting, they’re just extremely polite, and generally nice, and they avoid conflict, and try to never hurt someone’s feelings – because it will then later haunt them that they were rude to someone – so they are just continuing to talk to you, despite having zero interest in dating you.”

Not too complex, right? Okay, that’s my bad.

So, let me just give you a few indicators that may or may not help you detect how an INFP flirts.

They do some serious daydreaming about their crush. 

Okay, you may want to put this one in the “may not” pile, but this is a very important indicator that an INFP is flirting with someone they fancy. Because they will be daydreaming about smooth-talking to them at all times. In fact, in their heads, it may as well be the other way around, and they wouldn’t have to bring their flirt on, because their crush would be doing all the heavy lifting in the reaching out and making the first move department. 

INFPs tend to have very vivid and rich imaginative worlds, which cause them to very easily lose themselves in their fantasies. So, expect no less from an introverted INFP trying to flirt. 

They open up their can of worms and let out the weirdness. 

Some people may wait until they’re actually with someone to let some of their stranger qualities out. Not the INFP type, though. These people, for some reason, believe that it is a necessary part of the flirting process for them to let out all the weirdness and setting the crazy free. It may be because they themselves adore people who allow themselves to be the oddballs that they are, in front of an INFP. So, they simply assume that the person they’re supposedly flirting with, is okay with, or rather, expects to have a whole lot of weirdness unleashed on to them. 

They make jokes (questionable) around the person they’re trying to flirt with.

INFPs are not particularly funny people. Mainly because they’re socially awkward and most of them have performance anxiety. But when they have a crush on someone, they think that it counts as flirting if they make a lot of jokes in front of them, and play on words to make puns. And sure, a lot of people enjoy a nice sense of humour. But an INFP’s sense of humour is awfully dark, and not everybody can appreciate that. And the people who do like dark jokes, just end up being disappointed because the INFP keeps on ruining their own punch lines. 

They share memes.

Another thing INFPs consider to be a rather modern form of flirting involves sending numerous carefully curated, and often organized, memes. These aren’t just random memes; this is hard work that is done on the basis of extensive research of the crush’s likes and dislikes. They’re meant for the person to enjoy, but also serve as hints for the crush that the INFP may be interested. 

Hey, they call it flirting, what can I say? 

Memes are also used by INFPs to prevent a conversation from dying. Also expect lots of double meaning emojis.  

They become physical. 

No, they don’t initiate sex, are you kidding? They’re super awkward beings, their idea of flirting doesn’t even involve initiating conversation!

Since their love language is physical intimacy, when an INFP tries flirting with someone, they become excessively touchy-feely. Their interactions involve lots of high-fives and fist-bumps. They also touch the person a lot. They will subtly touch their arm while laughing at their joke, or hit them on their chest because they “can’t believe you’re so hilarious!” They may also play the let’s see whose hand is bigger game to get their crush to hold hands with them. 

Once they’re on a more comfortable level with their crush, they may also give them lots of hugs. 

They tease and mock. 

This is a really strange one, but an INFP flirts by mocking and teasing the person they fancy. They may make jokes and be sarcastic. The meme “sorry I ended up roasting you, I was trying to flirt” fits here perfectly. 

They talk. A lot. 

And it’s not a bunch of perfectly manufactured speeches that they give and appear to be desirable. Not at all. Whether they do it on purpose or not, but when an INFP is flirting, a big tell is that they will talk a whole bunch of nonsense, and then some more, around the person they’re trying to flirt with. They tend to ramble on for minutes on end, only to be hit with the sudden realization that they’ve said way too much, and then they just stop abruptly, try to make it better by saying something else, obviously make it worse, and then stop talking altogether, all flustered. 

They try to win someone’s trust.

Weird tactic, no? Well, it isn’t a tactic. It’s a way for an INFP to flirt with someone. They are excellent listeners and people just gravitate towards them. They tell them things they’ve never said out loud before, and they trust them. So, it is no exception when an INFP has a crush on someone. They suddenly become available for their crush to be confided in, and they learn all that they could about them, so they can gradually win their trust.

They text. And text. And then text some more. And a little bit more after that. 

It is what it is. INFPs say via text what they can’t to someone’s face. So, you may understand how important texting is for them. The entire online, social media scene matches an INFP’s vibe. Hiding behind a screen, typing away how they feel about things, it cannot get any more perfect for them. 

So, they flirt best, and with a lot more confidence through text. They are hilarious, charming, and just an absolute delight. You know, minus the sudden outbursts where they type excessively long paragraphs expressing how they feel about something as random as men and women paying on dates. 

They stare and then pretend to be shy…

This is something that varies from one INFP to the other. Sometimes, an INFP knows exactly what they’re doing, and they would gaze at their target purposely, and upon their eyes meeting, would bite their lower lip and look away, smiling slyly. This is actually an excellent technique that I wish I had the guts to try out. 

…and also stare and get actually embarrassed when caught. 

Then there are people like me. These are INFPs who would incessantly stare at their crush, and as soon as there’s eye contact, would either look away swiftly and awkwardly, or pretend to be staring at something or someone else in their general direction. These INFPs would do this, and expect their crush to just consider this behaviour as flirting and as hint enough to make the first move. 

They practice flirting in a mirror… 

Yes. According to Reddit, there are several INFPs out there who practice giving the bedroom eyes, and looking all seductive, cute, and flirty. They will take hours, perfecting the best ‘I’m interested, but whatever” look, and feel proud of themselves for being able to successfully do a single eyebrow raise. 

…and then fail spectacularly.

However, this confidence of theirs remains only until the point when they actually have to stand in front of their crush and bring into actions all the skills they’d learned. That is when they get flustered, lose the ability to form full sentences that make sense, and if given the chance, would get out of the place so fast, there’d be an INFP shaped hole in the door they escaped from. 

They will make the person they’re flirting with feel safe. 

Again, they’re strange beings, these INFPs. When flirting with someone, an INFP would make sure that the person they’re talking to feels at ease while talking to them. Psychological security means a lot to the INFP, and they make sure the person they’re trying to flirt with knows that they mean them no harm. 

INFPs are not great with flirting, no. But they do know how to talk to people, and how to be a real, raw human being. They prefer to be their authentic selves, always. This is something the current dating scene of the twentieth century has highly disregarded. And that often gives INFPs a fair chance at charming people they find themselves being pulled towards. And thank goodness for that!