Winning an INFP heart

It is known that winning over an INFP’s heart is quite difficult. If you ask another INFP, however, there’s nothing difficult about it. All one has to do is be a decent human being. Being an INFP, when I wrote down a list of things that people have done and won my heart over with, I was of the same view… What is so difficult about any of these things? But as a psychologist, and a woman who has been a part of this world for twenty six years, I know better than to overly simply things. 

At times, people struggle with understanding the simplest of concepts. And a lot of us create problems for ourselves, when we can live more peaceful, happier lives, often by simply letting go of things every now and again. For an INFP, there is no choice other than to try and be better each day, because we live with the constant internal struggle of making sure we don’t cause any person any pain. Doesn’t mean we are saints and don’t hurt people, but the guilt that we experience after having messed up, eats away our inner peace. 

Maybe that happens to a lot of people who are not INFP, maybe that’s just what having a conscience is like. Anyway, it is more than okay for you to be struggling, as long as you know you need to try to be better each day. 

Those things that I mentioned were fairly simple, on the other hand… Well, you can go ahead and give this piece a read to decide for yourself. But here’s a list of things that you can do, to win an INFP’s heart.

Displaying kindness.

Being highly empathetic people, INFPs find themselves being attracted to individuals who are kind to others. We understand that the world can be a cruel, unjust place, and that every person is going through a continuous battle we often never get to find anything out about. INFPs love people who can see through the tough exterior that human beings put forth, so they don’t have to open up and show everybody how broken they are. 

Don’t get me wrong, an INFP appreciates individuals who are confident, but humility is an equally important trait for us. If you wish to win an INFP’s heart, it is important that you are kind to other people around you. Emotional Intelligence is a big deal for us, and showing signs of compassion and empathy is the biggest indicator of EI.

Choosing to be honest and opening up.

INFPs absolutely crave honesty. We’re not impressed by being lied to. You know why? Because we see right through the deception. Be yourself, be real and raw, and let an INFP into your private world. We find ourselves drawn towards people who can unapologetically be themselves. It is true, that an INFP gets comfortable around and begins to open up to someone who opens up first. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of and with an INFP reduces the risk of our hearts getting hurt, and allows us to be able to let our own guard down. So, win over an INFP heart by opting for the treacherously difficult road of honesty and truth, or be prepared to drive down the highway of regret.

Being patient.

Despite you opening up to them, an INFP will take their sweet time being able to let go and get comfortable enough to reveal their entire true self. Because, truthfully, since we feel a great depth of emotion, but internally, it becomes rather difficult for us to express what we’re feeling outwardly, and putting things into words so that they make sense to other people. 

So, we take our time letting our guard down, and revealing our true selves to someone we truly trust. All it takes for you to win an INFP’s heart is to display patience with them, and give them the space to process their thoughts and feelings, rather than forcefully rushing things.

The kind of love an INFP would require from you is unconditional. They need, in order for you to win their heart, is a love that doesn’t limit their dreams, and can more than happily accept their flaws and imperfections. 

Showcasing care. 

Being considerate to our comfort, discomfort, likes, dislikes, and needs shows that an individual is in it for the right reasons. INFPs appreciate being cared for, because we are, more often than not, the ones taking care of other people. We appreciate actions over words, or words that are followed by actions. And due to our caring nature, we also appreciate generosity of our partners towards other people. 

Holding deep conversations. 

First of all, INFPs can sense when an individual no longer wishes to talk to us, so it is important for you to have a desire to continue a conversation with us. Disinterest feels like disrespect, and INFPs back out when they feel disrespected.

Secondly, being INFPs, we are all about digging deeper into our hearts and minds, and talking about the things that really matter. So, we are more than happy when someone has the depth and capacity to hold a deep conversation with us. An INFP’s goal is to be able to connect with one’s core, to understand where an individual comes from, and what their truest self looks like. We don’t shy away from talking about passions and goals, desires, fears and insecurities, and we definitely appreciate people who can open up with us and talk to us in such a way. 

PS: We despise small talk!

Showing interest.

And by ‘interest’, I mean noticing little things about us, doing little things that may be overlooked by other people, but an INFP would not only notice, but would love you for. Listening to an INFP actively, while they pour their heart out, holding open a door for us, or helping us carry groceries or our bag, these things do not go unappreciated. Ask an INFP about things that matter to them, or show interest in watching their favourite TV show with them, and they will have tears in their eyes, and their metaphorical heart (you know, the one that’s filled with feelings) will grow at least three sizes. 

An INFP wants, more than anything, to have someone who can genuinely be interested in them when they’re being their authentic selves. Being accepted with all their quirks and the darkness, along with all the light, that’s what every INFP desires.

Being non-judgemental.

Like I said, INFPs can be a lot of things. We often have a dark sense of humour, and we can be extremely weird. To the extent that you might even cringe, if you got to see it. And we do not open up with our darkness and strangeness in front of just about anybody. So, showing an INFP that you’re not going to judge them – no matter what – is a sure-fire way of winning them over. 

Being unapologetically weird. 

It may not always appear that way, but INFPs are suckers for dumb, nonsensical conversations, dirty jokes, dark humour, and all things inappropriate and weird. So, if you have a weird side to yourself, don’t be afraid to show it. Discuss conspiracy theories, talk about aliens, which planet you’d like to live on, given the option, and why. Just let it all out.

INFPs are often afraid of scaring people off with their odd behaviour and the strange things they do. And if you can share with them how much of an oddball you are, it makes things simpler for your INFP friends/partner. So, yes! Be unapologetically weird, and win over an INFP heart.

Being spontaneous. 

As much as we hate being caged in, are you really surprised that INFPs are down for spontaneity? Things like romance and happiness cannot be planned! And if you want to win an INFP heart, being weird and living in the moment go hand in hand. Ask them to meet you outside in ten minutes, because you couldn’t wait to see them. Maybe take them out for a random drive, get drive-through food, sit and eat in a quiet parking lot with music on in the car. Take them to a theme park, or just a regular park, and go on slides or the swings with them. Be spontaneous sexually, too. A random make out session in an abandoned lot, because you can’t keep your hands off them, or have sex in a fort you both built with sheets and mattresses, for example. 

Be creative, think of different things, things that your INFP, specifically, would enjoy. 

Having integrity. 

Last, but definitely not the least, for an INFP, their values lie at the core of their being. They cannot and must never abandon their principles. And they love it when a person knows the importance of having their integrity intact. We often rebel against the norms of the society that we believe are toxic and do more harm than good. INFPs are opinionated, and they are not afraid to let it be known. If you’re a person who has strong values and doesn’t give up their beliefs, then you can really be someone who can with an INFP’s heart. 

I’m really rooting for you. Good luck!